Creative output

While singularly failing to achieve anything solidly creative this year, I have managed to put the artistic equivalent of a revision timetable together. Therefore:

My next book will be entitled 'The Pointless Farm'. It will be billed by my (no doubt thrilled) publishers as 'The Archers' meets Fyodor Dostoyevsky's 'Crime and Punishment'.


Dostoyevsky above: Beating a horse to death with an iron bar or Pointless Farming?

My next album will be entitled "Mining for Nickel" and will be less of a musical experience and more of a aural technical overview of the difficulty in extracting nickel ore from hazardous deep shaft mines.

My next painting will be called, rather poetically in my opinion, Dr Strontium's Jaw, and will offend the vast majority of people with its crass avoidance of taste and form.

Right, now to get to work. Oh look, Big Brother's on tonight....